To Vineman or Not to Vineman

It's a question I've been asking myself for at least 3 months.  Do I want to do it?  As I have said to a couple of people, there is a difference between being committed and being interested.  I was "committed" to IMAZ.  I  am "interested" in Vineman.  


One of the challenges of the Ironman sanctioned races is they sell out quickly.  You sign up 9-12 months in advance.  A lot can change in that time.  I signed up for Vineman not knowing I was going to get engaged or be planning a wedding.  That I was going to move.  And, that I was going to start traveling outside of California.  The way I look at it, every time I travel to Dallas or Minneapolis, it's anywhere between 16-20 hours of door to door travel each week.  Plus, I still have to put my 40 hours of work in on top of that 20 hours of travel. The 2 hour time change doesn't help.  


I'm not trying to make excuses.  But I have had to ask myself why it was so much harder this time.  And, the travel schedule and life changes are definitely part of the reason.  In addition, I never recovered from Ironman burn-out.  I know a lot of people just like to jump right into training for the next race.  But I want to go to Zumba and hip hop and yoga and join a gym again.  I'm tired of things like "2' @ Z3 and 30" @ Z4, RI 3'.  Repeat 5X).  To be fair, I really do enjoy my proscribed workouts.  I just am tired of the structure.


Realizing I'm burned out from the "structure" and not committed as I should be to training for this event, then what am I doing?  I'm being stubborn.  I'm caught up in having too much pride to not do something that I set out to do.  Nick keeps saying, "Vineman is always going to be there.  It will be there next year and the year after."  Coach Dave says the same thing.  But, I truly sat on the fence.  A straight 50/50 for so long.  Finally, Sedonia asked, "If you go there and just cheer us on, how will you feel?"  My answer was "disappointed."  Which pretty much told me I'll be putting on that wetsuit on Sunday morning.  


Vineman is in 6 days.  I can swim 1.2 miles.  I rode the course last month and the 56 mile bike was fine, although noticeably slower since I have lost strength/power.  But the run will be a challenge.  The whole day will be a challenge, no doubt, but the run will be part of the day where I ask myself why I bit off more than I could chew.  My friend Robin says, "The Half IM needs to be respected."  Yep!  And, I did not respect it.  At least I can admit it.


Yesterday, I took some time to write my race plan and my pre-race report.  I met with Coach Dave this afternoon and I have 2 goals -- a PR for T1 and T2!  I laughed out loud.  I guess since this is my first 70.3 it will technically be a PR in all 3 disciplines.  But in comparison to how much training I put in last year, it will not be my best day.  The other piece of advice he gave me was to think of this event as 10 hours.  Most people, including myself, have a time goal in mind for every race.  Personally, when I don't meet those goals, a little goblin takes over in my head spitting out negative thoughts.  Even for little Tri For Fun, I have a time I'm shooting for and at the point where I realize I'm not going to meet my goal, the little goblin starts to visit.  I didn't have the goblin so much at Ironman because all I cared about was midnight.  When Dave told me to just start knocking minutes off 10 hours, instead of shooting for 8 or 8.5 hours (and getting upset if I don't make those times) I thought he was a genius. 


"The die is cast"


"The pearl is in the river"


"What's done is done"


"Here goes nothing"


I am quite curious as to how the day is going to turn out.  The only way to find out is to do it.