"Get the &#@% Away From Me"

Over the past 10 months, I've been tired, defeated, overwhelmed, inspired, happy, proud, stressed, worried, guilt-ridden, and devastated.  But I can't say I've ever been angry.  Until yesterday.

Our coach recommended a trail run up Mt. Diablo (mind you I have never even made it to the summit of Mt. Diablo on my bike).  I signed up for the Half and my coach said to drop to the 10 miler if my foot was hurting.  The first two miles were supposedly "flat" but that's an understatement.  I had this whole plan for running the first two miles and then lowering to a 4/1 run/walk and then if that didn't work to do 50 run/walk steps uphill, etc.  The climb was so steep that I couldn't even walk without dramatically swinging my arms forward to help me up the hill.  I kept thinking of Sedonia who likes to yell "Walk with purpose!" and pretty much thinking it would be impossible to walk up that hill without walking with purpose.  I was also on the verge of tears at this point because all I could think about was that I had to do this for 10 more miles.  At one point, I told myself I really only needed to go 4 more miles because then it would be downhill after that.  It helped extremely from a mental perspective. The climbs eventually became more gradual and I was able to start my 40 step run/walk again.  

In 10 months of training, I have yet to get a blister on my feet.  However, all that uphill walking put a lot of pressure on my heels and a huge one forming on my right foot.  At 4.5 miles it is another really really steep part.  I saw one of my teammates, Nate, coming down (who ended up getting 1st in his AG!).  Shortly after that I saw Michelle.  She said she also had gigantic blisters and turned around at the aid station instead of going up the last 2 miles.  I finally get to the aid station and mentally I am actually ok.  I think that I could probably make it up 2 more miles.  Nick is coming back down the mountain and sees me putting bandaids on my feet.  He said the next 2 miles is straight up and with my feet in the condition they are (in addition my injury), suggests I might want to consider turning around. 

I'm feeling good and rationalize that even if I don't go to the summit, I will just add the extra mileage in the "flat" part down below.  What a great idea!  Or so I thought.  All those steep parts wreak havoc on my knees on the downhill.  I can't even run down them.  I'm slipping and sliding and wishing I had my trail runners instead of running shoes.  I run the not so steep parts.  Around the 8th mile my legs are giving out.  My back hurts.  I can feel the fatigue in my muscles.  My shoelaces are cutting into my feet on the downhill creating more blisters on the top of my feet.  And I'm being followed by flies.  Seriously, these flies will not leave me alone.  It's not just one.  It's six!  I try to remind myself that almost everyone else on this trail is probably being followed by flies, too.  But a tired body does weird things to you, including making you angry at stupid insects.  I'm angry at the flies.  I'm angry at the dirt.  I'm angry at the rocks and all the acorns all over the place.  I'm angry at myself.  And, now I'm literally yelling at the flies to get the f--- away from me and to leave me alone!

Eventually I make it to the finish.  It took me almost just as long to get downhill as it did to get uphill.  I'm filthy and I'm done and I've logged 10.9 miles with 2600ft of climbing on the front half.  So much for my grand idea to tack on 2 more miles at the finish.  

I did a fair amount of stretching and took an ice bath.  My joints were in so much pain last night.  I slept for 11 hours.  Thanks to Biofreeze, my joint pain went away, but the sore glutes, hammies, quads, and lower calves made their appearance.  I woke up three times in the middle of the night completely conscious of how much I hurt.  We were supposed to ride 45 miles today.  Yet, I literally had to hold the bed and then the dresser and then the wall to get to the bathroom.  I don't know how I'm going to ride.  Nick says he decided he wasn't riding when he woke up in pain at 3:30am.  I still think we might be able to do it, and he reminds me that I'm not going to get any benefit out of today's training unless I do it right and in the condition I am in, I won't be able to do it right.  So I went to yoga and definitely felt better after that.  The relief lasted a few hours and then hit me like a ton of bricks again.  So here I am....sitting on the couch, with my feet raised, wondering how I am going to possibly get up and make myself some dinner tonight.