Keep Going

Last night my conference call ended up going until 7pm so I missed spin class at the gym.  Because it's still raining, I decided I would put my old bike back together and get on the trainer.  Except that I ended up getting in a fight with him (My old bike is a boy named Hank.  My new bike is a girl named Ruby).  Hank won.  I was trying to put my old pedals back.  I have a nice wrench for taking my pedals on and off, but it's at Nick's house (with Ruby), so I was using a plain old open wrench.  I got one side on ok, but after a good 20 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I decided it would be easier if I put my tire on (ok, don't ask me why I was even bothering to do this without having my back tire on as we all know hindsight is 20/20).  It's not hard to put a rear tire on.  But for some reason, it did not want to cooperate with me.  After another 20 minutes of cursing and yelling and beginning to cry in frustration because the frame was refusing to align with the spindle, I leaned over my bike and it plopped in to place.  Just. Like. That.  Of course, now the chain was giving me problems.  So another five minutes and ten even greasier fingers later, the chain is cooperating and shifting normal.  But, I still have unfinished business with the pedals.  By now, I'm a mental mess, my hands are disgusting, my jeans have grease marks all over them and I am done.  I'm pissed.  I'm stressed.  I'm frustrated.  I leave to get to Trader Joe's to stock up on food for the training weekend.  Unlike most people who enjoy working out when they are angry, I am the opposite.  I have tried and it's a pure waste of time.


Any other day that whole ordeal probably would have taken me 10 minutes to fix everything.  But, I know I'm pre-occupied about this weekend.  I didn't  realize how much I was thinking about it. What is so worrisome? I know I can swim the distance.  I know I can bike the distance.  And, I can't say that I *know* I can run the distance, but I think it's true that once you get to a certain level of running you can just keep going.  I've been feeling good about my endurance.  I am capable of completing 70.3 miles.  BUT, can I do it in the time allotted?  That is where I am stuck.  Yes, I know this is just "training" weekend.  But, this is a tough course and a pretty good indicator that if you double your time on this course, then that will be your predicted time.  I think it will take me 9 hours, which means not meeting a 17 hour cutoff time come November (Originally, I had 10, but Sedonia challenged me to shave 30 minutes off the bike (doable) and 30 minutes off the run (extremely uneasy about)).


So while I am sitting here, still pre-occupied despite my best judgment, I know there is nothing I can do about this other than to try.  Try to be ok with the rain.  Try to be ok with whatever happens on Saturday.  And, if it doesn't go the way I want, I have to remind myself that I do have 8 more months until my official event rather than 4 months (Vineman) to work on speed and endurance.  I have to remind myself that I went from competing in a sprint tri in 2010 to training for a full Ironman in 2011 and the absurdity of that concept.  I have lots of little mantras I say to myself while training.  And, I'm adding two more this weekend: 1)  This is not the hardest thing you've ever done; and 2) Courtesy of  Winston Churchill, "If you're going through hell, keep going."