A Victorious Failure

This past weekend was our Halfway training weekend.  The training was held on the Wildflower course at Lake San Antonio, which is about a three hour drive away.  Unfortunately, the weather has been miserably wet in the Bay Area the past week.  We loaded up the car with all of our camping and tri gear in a torrential downpour.  And, luckily, by the time we arrived, it was sunny and we were able to set up camp (on some really soft ground) without any issues.

I think blogging about my anxiety before I left was therapeutic because I was really ok on Friday and actually kind of excited about Saturday.  Gasp!  We woke up at 5am, got ready, made breakfast and headed down to the lake.  I got in the water about five minutes to 7am to get used to it.  Since I had a bit of a panic attack a few weeks ago, I wanted to make sure that didn't happen again.  It was painfully cold, but I got my hands and face adjusted the best I could.  The swim went ok.  I had some tricep pain in my left arm (something that's been bothering me for a few weeks), so after about 20 minutes, I had to flip to backstroke every couple minutes for a few strokes to compensate. Toward the end, I also started cramping in my left calf.  And, I was pretty dizzy as I got out of the water as my blood went rushing to my lower half.  We have discussed several times that it's a little disorienting to get out of the water, but I hadn't really experienced that yet, because my other swims have had me gradually walking up on a beach.  I wanted to be done with the swim in :48 and I was out in :55.  But, it's the first time I swam that distance in open water so I did recognize and congratulate myself as I was walking back to Transition.

Transition was difficult!  I was frozen.  I couldn't feel my feet and it's really hard to walk as far as we did when you can't feel your feet and you're trying to grip your toes around a flip flop!  The rain had started up again while we were on the swim so my bag was all wet.  Because it was so cold, most of us changed clothes, which also takes a long time when you're not only wet, but you also can't feel your fingers!  I was frustrated because I can typically get through T1 in 4 minutes, but every event we've done on this team has taken me a really long time because of weather.  Once I'm ready, I eat a PB&J sandwich, take two salt pills (to prevent more cramping) and hop on my bike.  I had a bit of a mishap in the beginning because I wasn't sure if I was going the right way so I turned around and rode back (and ended up having a few others follow me...SORRY), only to later find out that I was going the right way in the first place.  So that set me back mentally.  Once we get back on track, we start climbing, but I'm still trying to get my head in the game from the not doing as well as I wanted on the swim, the 15 minute transition, and the backtracking and time wasting on the bike so far.  I had to get off my bike and walk it for about 5 minutes (first time I made a decision to just stop and walk), in order to get my head back in a good place.  After a few minutes, I was ready to finish the climb and I was off. 

Wildflower is not an easy course.  It is supposedly the second hardest triathlon course in America.  So while it took me longer than I wanted to get going on the bike, at least I was in a good place to take on a pretty rough day ahead.  I got to the first water stop and it was also the turnaround for the teams out there practicing on the Olympic course.  That was the first time I ever said, "Why the hell am I doing an Ironman?  I can't believe I could be turning around already if I was doing Olympic!"  As time goes on, the weather just gets worse and worse.  I'm not a skinny girl and the wind almost knocked me off my bike at one point.  There were flats where I was only going 8mph because of the head wind.  The rain gets progressively worse and is literally slapping me in the face.  By that point, I am just laughing at how ridiculous the ride is.  Michelle, our roaming SAG, came by around mile 24 and asked if I wanted a ride for some of it.  I told her I wanted to keep going, but that I probably would need to be SAG'ed because I already knew I wasn't going to make the cutoff time.  Around mile 27, I see her picking up Jen and Susie.  I told her to take them and by the time she comes back, I could get picked up.  I ride another 10 miles before it's my turn to get picked up.  She takes me to the "top" of Nasty, but it's a false summit, so I still have some of it to climb, but not nearly as difficult as the bulk of it below.  Unfortunately, I am just freezing, shivering, and my teeth are chattering because I am so wet from the rain and I had just sat in a warm car for 10 minutes.  However, the little bit of climbing I have to do there to get to the true crest of Nasty warms me up just in time to have the steepest descent I've been on so far. Despite the wet roads, I had a great descent, clocked 41mph, and had a perma-grin the whole ride down.  And, then it's time to climb again.  As I'm heading toward Bee Rock, I could not even fathom how I was in my little ring.  I stopped to make sure I didn't have a flat tire that I was unaware of because why else would I be moving so slow?  But, when I did that and I looked back, it was pretty clear I was on a hill.  Just another one of those "false flats" this course is known for.  I finally get back to Transition and my watch says 6:45.  Coach Mike sees me and says, "Girl, it doesn't get any worse than this."  I tell him "5.5 hours and I even got SAG'ed for 6 miles!"  And he tells me that everyone is coming in 60-90 minutes later than they expected.

I attempt to put on socks and shoes (mind you my toes are still frozen from the swim, so I haven't been able to feel my feet in nearly 7 hours).  I got out of my soaking wet bike jacket and I found a windbreaker.  I grab a hat (because it's still raining), my run bottle, another PB&J sandwich, and more salt pills to take with me.  They tell me that because everyone is coming in so late that I am only going to do one loop of the run, rather than two.  I'm bummed because I just wanted to get as close to a Halfway as I could, but I understand that we have a cutoff.  So off we go.  My plan going in to the weekend was to walk the uphill and run the downs because this run course aint no picnic either.  It took me a good 20 minutes to adjust to running.  While my heart rate was ok, I was just out of breath...probably partly because I was trying to get some food in me.  I'm running with Phil, and at one point, I couldn't run anymore because the mud was so bad that when I was running behind him, he looked like he was running in snow shoes and I'm engaged in hysterical laughter.  Finally, we get out on to the street and head into "The Pit."  There we find Sedonia waiting for us at a water stop and she runs up the hill with us.  I tell her I'm doing great and she said she thought for sure that I would have been shedding some tears today! :)  At the top of the hill, Phil and Sedonia go back down as there are still others on the course finishing their first or second loops.  I finish it out in 1:40.  It's not a great time, but considering the rain, the mud, the hills, and that it took me two hours during the Louie Tri, I'm ok with the time.  After I finished, I told Coach Mike I wanted to do a quick out and back while we waited for the rest to come in.  So I went another 1K out and back so that I could have some sort of victory on the run (since I have yet to run more than a 10K).

Summary:

Swim 1.2m :55

T1 :15

Bike 50m 5:45

T2 :15

Run 7m 1:58

OK, so those times are terrible.  I failed at meeting all of my goals.  I failed at completing a Half distance.  But, surprisingly, I don't feel bad about it.  I learned awhile go that we have to take the emotion out of the word "failure" because failure isn't bad.  It's just failure.  It is what it is.  It can't be considered bad, when sometimes failure is a good thing (i.e., physiologically your muscles don't repair and get stronger unless you work them to failure).  I was still smiling despite not meeting my goals and that says a lot.

After welcoming everyone back, we head to the showers and then get to our camp site, which is a muddy muddy mess!  Fortunately, LLS provided a pasta dinner for us on Saturday night so we didn't have to deal with cooking.  Once dinner was over, we had a brief meeting to talk about how "brutal" the day was, our victories, and to celebrate that we were more "iron" than we have ever been, even if a lot of us didn't complete the mileage in the swim, the bike, or the run. 

At breakfast on Sunday morning, the coaches reminded us that one of the reasons we do this event is to practice our plan for when the big day does arrive.  And, Coach Tony encouraged us to write down what worked and what didn't.  Since this is my journal, here are the things I learned:

• Take in more salt the day before to retain more water and prevent cramping.
• More flexing and harder kicking as I'm coming up to shore where there isn't a beach to walk up on (like in AZ).
• Bodyglide my wrists.  I keep forgetting this, despite getting symmetrical itchy bumps on my wrists after each swim.
• Bodyglide up into my hairline.  My wetsuit rides up as I lift my head and I've got a couple lovely wetsuit hickeys.
• Backstroke when/if I need it.  I'm still moving forward.
• It's ok to take the time to get my head back in the game.  If I just kept going and tried to do that, it would have been a long and nasty day because I don't think I would have gotten happy until maybe Mile 20 of the bike ride.  But taking the few minutes to just stop (well walking), remind myself what I was doing, and pump myself up that it was going to be a great day, made all the difference in the world.
• When wearing a base layer, tuck my shirt in BEFORE I leave.  The rain and wet roads kick up all the dirt, sand, and gravel right into the spot where the shirt rides up.  Not fun.
• Since I recently installed water cages behind the seat, I need more practice getting the bottles in and out while still pedaling.  
• Chamois butter or Bodyglide at the edges of the bike pad. 
• Need to do some experimenting with food on the run.  I was truly hungry and needed some substance, which is why I ate the sandwich when I came back from the bike.  If I only ate half, would that have been ok?  Because a whole sandwich was too much and I felt the effects of possible GI issues that luckily never happened.  Toward the end of the run I also ate 3 gummies and then I got a stitch.  I am thinking I probably need to stick with powders/gels.   
• Keep smiling!